I haven't been here in so long. I had almost totally forgotten about this. This digital stop, this emotional beat. I'm so different now. Years of real loss will do that. So much of my life has changed that I find it hard to even access the feelings that would drive me here. I realize now I used this space to be my most melancholy... and needlessly dramatic. It felt important and genuine to have all of this big pain spilling out everywhere. I think now that I just wanted to feel that I had actually experienced "real love" and "heartbreak". Not that my feelings weren't authentic, just that I used this space to wallow in them so completely. These days so much of what I thought I knew about myself and my life has changed. I don't have to immerse myself in sadness to prove I can feel. Life has proven that quite capably. I can't pretend I'm never dramatic or sad, but I no longer feel the need to memorialize it. I tried to put myself in the headspace that used to inevitably drive me here, and I failed. I got nostalgia and lightweight embarassment. Anyway, I've moved on. I just thought a really overdue update might satisfy in some way.
Love and light, all.
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