The Dream Shake

Yes the title is a nod to Hakeem, but the actual subject matter of this post is a lot more literal. So, as I mentioned in the Event Horizon post, I took a large leap in a close relationship. I admitted to my very good friend (and to myself) that I am interested in pursuing an actual romantic relationship with him. When I sent him my email confession, I said that no matter what happened we would always be friends and I left it up to him to decide if it might be something he'd want. Well two weeks later I still hadn't heard anything, which was not at all a surprise. And though I didn't want to seem pushy, I was really starting to chafe under my self-imposed communications silence between us. So I blinked first and sent him a text. It was nothing serious, just an enjoying-my-life-how-are-you message. And he responded just as casually and that was that. The next day we had a phone conversation that was exactly as we always were pre outpouring of heart and never was there any mention of my email or any choice he had made. Joia says that he and I are very much alike and she's so right. I had to laugh after we hung up, because not mentioning the elephant in the room and hoping it'll just be okay and go away, is such a me move. Anyway, I took his extended silence to mean that his choice was a no and I'm alright with that, for the most part. So now my challenge becomes how to let it go. Traditionally, I'm good with cutting people loose and getting on with my life. But I'm not sure how to move on with my life when I want to keep the person in it. How do I let go of the idea of he and I together and shift my emotions back down to a friendly gear? I had this idea of he and I being we, and though I always kind of knew it was a fantasy, I'm not sure if I'm ready to let the fantasy go. I thought that it would be easy enough, but maybe I was wrong. I thought that I had given up on enough things to have a strong skill set for it. But maybe my past has not taught me anything useful about releasing a dream. But I'll figure it out, because I have to. There is no other viable alternative at this point. And making the best out of whatever crappy hand you're dealt is a life lesson that I know incredibly well.