Ah, I see I got your attention with that title. But sex is easy. Relationships are hard. Speaking of that, I need to discuss what it means to "want a relationship". Because it has come up three separate times over the course of this past weekend, I feel that I must comment on this. (Truthfully, I must admit that the last two times the subject was broached, I brought it up because of the first instance.)
First, a little background on me. I am not that girl who has planned her whole life for her wedding. I have never been a woman who gauges the quality of my life by the presence and/or perceived caliber of the man in it. In fact, I was a unabashed commitment-phobe for years. If you said the word relationship to me, I started moving around with a quickness. I just wasn't interested in anything long term, and the longest I really dated anyone would be a few weeks. And slowly, over time, I started to reevaluate my thought processes and begin to change. I made a few longer term emotional bonds and found what the good in them can be. So it occurred that after years of romantic transience, I finally felt good about the idea of settling down.
So this is where things get really interesting. It's a real dating (or even socializing) misstep to say to most men that you want to be in a relationship. Over and over again I've found that it makes them immediately take a step in the other direction. Then if you don't say it, you're not being clear about what you want. It's kind of a no-win scenario. And you never actually get a chance to explain what you really mean, and if you do they think it's some kind of rationalization. I don't know about anyone else, but for me when I say I want to be in a relationship, it means just that. I would like the comfort and familiarity of being with someone on a regular basis and truly sharing ourselves with each other. What saying that does not mean is I want to be in a relationship with you. I'm wanting the whole experience, meeting someone, dating, falling in love, and taking whatever the next step might be. It annoys the hell out of me when men find that out they get this trapped and hunted down look. I'm not trying to put just anyone into this role. I'm not some low rent employment agency, just trying to fill a vacancy with any available person. I don't know what's going to happen, but I promise trying to coerce an unwilling guy into being in a relationship with me is not on my agenda.
It always seems much easier for other women. I'm sure I'm exaggerating or oversimplifying, but I feel like I missed some sort of women's studies class that explained this technique. Or maybe it's just a natural instinct I'm missing. All I know is, getting into a relationship is much more difficult than I ever thought it would be. It seems like opportunity knocked a lot louder when I wasn't interested. But, I know this I'm not about to sign up to be with just anybody so that I can say I've got a man. I've made it 33 years without that. I'm sure I'll be able to survive.
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