I can’t tell you how tired I am of being friends with men. Okay, that’s an overstatement. I’m just over the nonsense that seems to come from the masculine half of the species. As far back as I can recall I have been friends with guys. I was pretty much a tomboy for the first several years of my life, always running and gunning with the boys. And though my best friend was usually a girl, I have had numerous male friends throughout the years. I have always liked talking to guys, often you have much easier conversations with them. I like talking about sports, cars, video games, etc., so I’ve always fit in at guy talk. I think that the benefit for men is that they can talk to me about almost anything. I can and will converse on topics of all type, from Madden to monogamy, jump shots to jump-offs, and GTOs to the G.O.A.T.. We can discuss the freakiest sex act you’ve ever thought about then move on the underrated joy of martial arts movies. So it has always been good for me to have male friends, but every once in awhile it gets to the point where I’d like to throw myself an all girl tea party and forget that I even know any guys.
The biggest issue for me in being friends with a guy is that you can’t have it both ways. You’re either friends or you’re sexual. You can’t be both, or worse, dwell in some vague undefined space in the middle. Or at least that’s how I am, but probably half the guys I’ve ever ended up being friends with seemed to like that ambiguous territory. And I’m sick of it. Fish or cut bait. It’s crazy to me, we’re just homies unless you have a rough day and want to bone away the tension. Or there might be something there, until they find something they like more. And I freely admit to the part of this that’s my fault. I like men a lot, in both an affable and a carnal way, so when I meet one I dig it can take me awhile to figure out which category he fits in. Then I end up with line straddlers and non-boundaried relationships. So, when I get frustrated with the nature of those connections, I have only myself to blame. But when I try to force these men to toe the friendship line, I get much resistance. I don’t understand, these men don’t want to be with me but it’s like they put me in some “maybe” position that excuses their blurring the lines even further. You can’t call me all the time telling me about the girl whose back you’re blowing out and then cockblock when your boy tries to talk to me. Don’t bitch at me about the lack of good women out there and then roll your eyes like I don’t count when I say I’m a good woman. It’s unfair for you to cast me in a “what if” light and expect me to just sit there waiting for you to decide. I’m not a K-Mart product; you cannot put me on layaway until you’re ready.
The biggest issue for me in being friends with a guy is that you can’t have it both ways. You’re either friends or you’re sexual. You can’t be both, or worse, dwell in some vague undefined space in the middle. Or at least that’s how I am, but probably half the guys I’ve ever ended up being friends with seemed to like that ambiguous territory. And I’m sick of it. Fish or cut bait. It’s crazy to me, we’re just homies unless you have a rough day and want to bone away the tension. Or there might be something there, until they find something they like more. And I freely admit to the part of this that’s my fault. I like men a lot, in both an affable and a carnal way, so when I meet one I dig it can take me awhile to figure out which category he fits in. Then I end up with line straddlers and non-boundaried relationships. So, when I get frustrated with the nature of those connections, I have only myself to blame. But when I try to force these men to toe the friendship line, I get much resistance. I don’t understand, these men don’t want to be with me but it’s like they put me in some “maybe” position that excuses their blurring the lines even further. You can’t call me all the time telling me about the girl whose back you’re blowing out and then cockblock when your boy tries to talk to me. Don’t bitch at me about the lack of good women out there and then roll your eyes like I don’t count when I say I’m a good woman. It’s unfair for you to cast me in a “what if” light and expect me to just sit there waiting for you to decide. I’m not a K-Mart product; you cannot put me on layaway until you’re ready.
So I guess that’s it. I know I said I like talking to men but I will never understand them. But what man and woman ever truly do? I know I also said that you can’t have it both ways, but I like to believe that when I decide to share my life with a man he will be my best friend. But right this moment, like I said at the beginning, I am sick and tired of being “friends” with men.
I must comment cause you are a good woman...you just have to be clear on what you want when you meet guys. We love ambiguity..its a win/win for us. If we could have someone that is cool as shit, can relate to things like to do, and then blow our mind sexually is all good...but you have to define the line. Decide what it is that you want and stick to that, if you casually sleep with a guy he's going to automatically catagorize it as that..friends with benefits...real talk, alot of us are greedy and selfish, we want our cake and eat it to, we want to do our thing but can be possessive and want to cock-block you.
ReplyDeleteI'm a man, and I think you should deal with us according to knowledge...keep you a little sideline peice but for future relationships and dudes you meet, let them know you are looking for a relationship and don't fall into the Buddy catagory.
I know this is pretty much the same thing you said, but I just wanted to add my 1 cent in and let you know I still read your blogs