Give Credit Where Credit Is Due, or Get Right

I recently picked up Twenty Five, the latest Greatest Hits CD from George Michael. Last night I was listening to it in my car and it’s pretty funny to me that almost 25 years after I first heard it, I still love “Everything She Wants”. I mean, yeah “Careless Whisper” is always great and “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” is still an infectious piece of pop, but “Everything She Wants” was my favorite Wham song then and it still is now. I think that most people don’t pay that song enough attention. It’s really good, and be honest, singing along with Andrew Ridgley’s aaah aaah aaahs is fun. So in the spirit of “Everything She Wants”, here’s a salute to some unappreciated gems.


· Chazz Palminteri – This man is a great actor. Why doesn’t he get work like DeNiro or Pacino? Although these days, none of them seem to be getting anything stellar. I know he did those cheesy Vanilla Coke commercials, but he is a really fine actor. I mean, have you seen The Usual Suspects? Bullets Over Broadway? Or my favorite, A Bronx Tale? That is one of my favorite movies and he is the main reason why. Did you know that he adapted that movie? From his own play? That he performs as a one-man piece? Based on his own life? That is impressive to me. I think this man is highly underrated and that’s a shame.
· Basic cable – I pay for pretty much every cable channel, but with the slumping economy that may have to change soon. So it’s nice to know that there is so much to watch on the non-premium channels. It’s funny; I watch those channels so much more than the movie channels I pay extra for. Some of my favorite programs are on “basic” cable. There is nothing on Showtime or HBO that I enjoy more than Project Runway (Bravo), House Hunters (HGTV), Iron Chef America (Food Network), Clean House (Style Network), What Not to Wear (TLC), City Confidential (BIO) and pretty much anything on History International. That’s not to mention all of the other home, cooking, makeover, history, travel and other shows I watch. I also love that these shows run at all times of the day and night, so I can almost always find something. Long live cheap cable programming!
· Greeting Cards & Letters – In the increasingly digital world we live in, people greatly underestimate the power of actual written sentiment. Yes email is the quickest and easiest way for a lot of people to communicate and e-cards are awfully cute. But for me (and I suspect I’m not alone) it means so much more to receive a tangible expression of their feelings. And whether that comes in the form of a letter or a note written in a card, I am a fan of the art. It just makes things more personal and people appreciate the extra effort. In fact, I have one friend (no I won’t call you out, but you know who you are. LOL) who gets sad if I give her a gift without a card or a card without a personal note.
· Romance Novels – I am so tired of people looking down on romance novels and judging reading materials as if they are the literature Gestapo. It’s like they forget that many of the books considered classics now, were pretty much popular romance novels in their time (like the entire works of Jane Austen). My mother always told me that you can learn something anywhere and I agree. I can’t tell you how much reading love stories increased my vocabulary when I first started reading them in the 3rd grade. As most people in my circle could tell you, I’m a veritable word nerd (see the post on my favorite words) and I do believe that I picked my love of the turn of a phrase, at least partially, from the romance books I read. So I say, judge not, lest you be judged. And let people read whatever they like, without your scorn and derision. As long as they are reading, that’s the important thing to me.

Anyway, that’s my list. I could come up with a lot more of these if I had longer, but I wanted to get this posted at some point soon. So, those are a few things that I think are criminally underrated. Why don’t you comment and tell me what things you think are in need of a greater appreciation?

Like the corners of my mind

I am feeling nostalgic today. I’m just sitting here pondering some of my favorite memories and realizing that no matter how I may feel from day-to-day, I’ve had a really good life. With that I decided to make a list of some of the most special moments and people. I must be in a list-making mood, because here’s yet another one.

5 things I really miss

1. My grandparents – Specifically my maternal grandparents, because my Dad’s father passed before I was born and his mom passed when I was pretty young. My grandparents Nanny & Granddaddy (or Pelo & RD) had a big farm in north Louisiana where we used to spend summers , and even as the urban kid that I was, I loved going there. We kids would take nature walks and put on productions in the living room and my grandparents would play along with all of it. As we got older, the time spent up there became less frequent and as the grandparents got older, our relationships changed. But even with that, they were still amazing people. Granddaddy taught me how to play poker, told really cool (if sometimes overly detailed) army stories, made the perfect root beer float (and knew the best place to buy strawberry shakes), called us all scallywags and started me on my love of a vast array of music by sharing his eclectic and extensive record collection. Nanny had these great old country sayings (that were strangely wise), made the world's best blackberry cobbler, fished incessantly (except on Sunday), let a whole herd of she-thugs play in her hair and paint her nails and drove everyone crazy with her supposed “compliments”. I’m not saying they were perfect, but to me, they were the best grandparents a kid could have.

2. My old car – When Joia bought her Range Rover she gave me her old car. Being a Mercedes Benz SL500 roadster, this was far from the usual hand me down vehicle. Although it was 8 years old when I got it, it was still the best car I could have imagined at the time. I used to speed around in that car, with the top down, and living in that moment like I was Michael Knight and the Mercedes was KITT. I got so much attention in that car, most good, but some bad. Then there were the inevitable testosterone filled males who tried to race me. For the most part I ignored them, but every once in awhile, I would pull off on one just to prove my own point. I mean seriously, do not try to race me if your ride is a Pontiac Grand Am; it’s just pitiful. And there were a few other drawbacks to the car: It only had 2 seats and fit and a minimum of stuff, I got pulled over by the police quite a bit more than I did in my Honda, repairs, parts, and maintenance were outrageously expensive, and there was definitely a type of person the car attracted that I could do without. But I absolutely loved that car and when I was forced to sell it (because it was dying and I couldn’t even begin to afford the repairs), I was sad. Oh well, life is change.

3. The Gallant Knight – Ah, the club of my early 20s. I have such great memories of this place. When Amanda and I started going there in the mid 90s, it had probably already been there 25 years or so. Let’s be honest, it was pretty much a hole in the wall. It was a converted house with no dance floor and always way too packed. But that was part of the charm. The band was always fun, jamming classic soul and funk tunes. And you would end up dancing just inches from some group of people you didn’t know. Over the years, I met all kind of people there, including several really cute guys of all flavors and even one woman who kissed me. (Not my thing, but it was a good kiss). I think one of the best things about that club is how we were always treated there. Pretty much from the beginning, they treated us like family. We never paid to get in, they remembered what we drank, the band would play certain songs for us, and there just was very much a Cheers “Everybody knows your name” vibe I enjoyed there. And it never seemed to matter how long it had been since our last visit, we were always welcomed back in warmly. I think everyone should have that experience, and as much as I’ve been a regular at a few spots since Gallant Knight, I’ve never enjoyed anyplace more.

4. Super Mario World for Super NES – or any video game from back in the 16 bit days when things were easy. True, I play quite a few things and I’ve beat Tomb Raider Legend, God of War, Prince of Persia, but that required a helluva lot of effort. The last game I was just immediately and honestly pretty good at was Tekken 5 for the PS2, and that’s because I’ve been playing (and good at) Tekken for more than 10 years and not a lot has changed. You cannot imagine the trouble I have with Assasins Creed for the PS3. I have to focus really hard to be adequate at this game. It’s hell being a gaming dinosaur. LOL.

5. New Orleans, Pre-Katrina – Don’t misunderstand me, New Orleans is still a wonderful place, both to visit and to live. But, in a lot of areas, it is markedly different than it was just a few years ago. Everything here is thought of in terms of pre- and post-Katrina. It’s amazing how quickly some things can change and how some things revert to their original state so easily. New Orleans has a new normal these days and it’s somewhat exhilarating to see (and be party to) such a shift. However, there are so many things I miss from Pre-K NOLA, not the least of which is the carefree feeling that this town used to possess. There is very much a sense of trepidation and a worry of “what-if” that didn’t exist here before Katrina. On the other hand, the fear of losing more of the culture is causing people to be a lot more cognizant of what is happening locally and in a lot of cases, step up and get involved in the community and in preserving their heritage. I have to believe that this tragedy went down for a reason and that this new New Orleans has come to be for a good reason. And maybe that’s it. So, we persevere here in NOLA and try to learn all of the new steps and hurdles, because we have to. It may not be the City that Care Forgot any longer, but it is still New Orleans.

Memo to the deluded

Skinny jeans look good on about 2% of the population. You are NOT in that number. Take those jeans off right now and burn them. If they happen to be colored skinny jeans, burn them and then bury the ashes. Thank You.

This Public Service Announcement brought to you by the people who have to look at your sartorially challenged ass everyday!

Around the World in 80 years ... I hope

I have the blessing of being a fairly traveled person. Most people would say well traveled, but when I look at a globe all I can see is the millions of places that I haven’t been. Just today I was talking to JC about her trip to Detroit and she said, “Yeah, you go to Milan and Prague”. For the record, I have been neither of those places, but I have been fairly close to both of them. Anyway, today is a day that I feel like escaping the mundane, so I wanted to celebrate my love of journey with a post.

I love to experience new and different places, so every trip brings the opportunity for exploration. And there are some places that I just love to savor time and time again. So without over-thinking it, here are my favorite sites. Because I’ve lived in, and obviously loved, New Orleans and Houston, I won’t include them.

• San Francisco – I know, I know. It’s like the travel cliché of all time to love San Francisco, but there is a reason it’s so well regarded. This is a gorgeous city, with so many neighborhoods, restaurants and people to love. While it is packed with tourists, it is still possible to discover little treasures around every corner. When you add in the amazing scenery and the unique history and culture of it, the City by the Bay is the only city I’ve visited in California that I don’t find overrated. Check it out .
• Rome – Here’s one that took me completely by surprise. When Amanda & I began planning our trip to Italy, Rome made the itinerary as an obligatory stop. We felt that it would be impossible to make a first trip to Italy and not stop in Rome. But we thought that it would be all about seeing historical sites and museums. However, Rome was unexpected from the first moment. True it’s like walking thorough a History Channel special, but there is also this amazing sense of energy that I loved. Rome crackles with anticipation of the enjoyment you’ll find if you’re willing to go with the flow. I was sorrier to leave Rome than any of the other places in Italy I had expected to love. Check it out.
• Nassau (Paradise Island), Bahamas – It’s not hard to find peace while sitting on the beach, forgetting whatever worries you may have left at home. For me the trouble has been in truly enjoying the atmosphere of a place once leaving the beach. Most of the oceanside outposts that I’ve visited were gorgeous and eminently peaceful, but trying to find any hint of sophisticated nightlife would be completely futile. But Nassau was everything I ever wanted in a beach retreat. Clean white sand and amazing turquoise water, plus shopping, great food, and even a few nightspots that don’t bring to mind Senor Frogs during spring break. And the phenomenal part about staying on Paradise Island is that you can escape from the cruise ship excursioners when you’ve had enough. I’ve never experienced a more aptly named place. Check it out.
• Seville – Spain is a lot harder call than some of the other countries I’ve visited. Seville was my favorite only by a hair, because Granada was also amazing. Anyway, Seville was a fantastic stay where I was able to truly absorb the culture of Andalusia. A large part of it was the amazingly laid back nature of the city and it’s people (the nicest we met in Spain). And the rest was probably the experiences we had. We climbed to the top of the Giralda (bell tower) at the cathedral, shopped in the greatest little stores, carried home an extravagant meal from a neighborhood deli and laughed with the people in every place. And all of those things were done in the rain. We endured downpours and the most humid night I can remember (and I’ve lived in NOLA and H-Town) and never slowed down one bit. We had the greatest dinner conversation with a couple we met from Iceland and got an offer to visit them in Reykjavik. All in all, we had wonderful little adventures in the midst of a fantastic old place with truly generous people. That’s pretty much what travel is all about for me. Check it out.
• Vancouver – I’m not going to lie, I never particularly thought that much of Canada. I thought, sure it’s a lovely country with many delightful sights and citizens, but I was never in much of a hurry to stop by. Vancouver checked me on my attitude right off. I have never seen a cleaner metropolitan area in my life and the panoramic views are astounding. There’s cerulean water and many a scenic mountain vista. All in all a compelling city that’s hard to tear your eyes away from. And yes, the people are genuinely friendly and warm. I can see why Vancouver is hosting the 2010 Winter Olympics. I’d want to go, except for that winter thing. LOL. Check it out.
• Rab, Croatia – Croatia in general was not at all what I expected. I think, like most people all I know about Croatia is a vague recollection of war. But, I figured that was over years ago and Vanja promised me that the country was beautiful. Boy, was she telling the truth. Croatia is a verdant, somewhat mountainous land that drops directly into the Adriatic Sea. And the most stunning place was Rab - both the island and a town on the island. When arriving (by ferry) on the far end of the island it looked, as my friend warned me, as barren as the moon. But in just a few minutes we were coasting over rolling hills with the smell of fresh lavender and laurel tickling my senses. We luxuriated in the magnificent dinners of seafood caught earlier that day and drank local wine and liqueur. I felt caught in time as we strolled through the ancient walled town that had been there since before Columbus set sail for America. I even loved the beach, which was really large boulders forming rocky outcroppings into the sea. We spent two evenings just sitting at a waterside bar staring out into the Adriatic as the Frank Sinatra I’m pretty sure they dug out just for me played in the background. It was a magical experience and I can’t wait to do it again. Check it out.

So there we are. There are some other places that I absolutely love which failed to make this list; (San Antonio, Orlando, Negril, Tulum, etc.) but I didn’t want to be here all night. And we won’t even get into the spots that I desperately want to get to but have yet to make it (Buenos Aires, Nice, Sydney, Marrakech, etc.). Hey, I’ve got time. Keep your eyes peeled for further adventures.

Happy traveling to you all!

What are the germane qualifications, exactly?

Someone told me recently she was surprised by the unsuitable men I date. When I looked at her disbelievingly, she started back-pedaling and merely said that she thought I could do better. I thought to myself that it’s a good thing that we’re merely acquaintances (not really friends), because she’s an idiot.

What is a “suitable” man, anyway? I date people I like, period. I enjoy intelligent, funny, down-to-earth men. I don’t care about your career (or maybe more accurately, job) as long as you work and support yourself doing so. I could care less about which university you’re an alumnus of or whether you attended college in the first place. After all, I’d be a huge hypocrite, as I didn’t actually graduate my damn self. I think too many people use career and matriculation as a measure of intelligence and success. As far as success goes, I think I already mentioned that I only want you to be able to maintain your own lifestyle. Yes, I’d like you to provide for the majority of our social outings (I am a southern woman, after all), but you’ll notice I said provide, not pay. There are a multitude of free and inexpensive options that exist. I should know, as I’ve gotten by doing a lot with a little (money) for most of my adult life. And, as far as I can tell, higher education indicates little about the actual intelligence of a person. I’ve known some collegiate level morons. For me, intelligence is not so much about how much obscure book learning you can memorize (although I like that too), it’s about your ability to hold up your side of a conversation. It’s indicated in how well you can reason things out and, let’s be honest, it’s about whether or not you can keep up with me, mentally. Yes, I am aware that sounds completely arrogant, but I am confident in my head game (intellect-wise, at least).

I have dated several people in the service industry, and by that I mostly mean waiters and bartenders. I have no problem with these guys. I don’t take issue with their chosen vocation. In fact, the ones I’ve been with have been more generous, giving and easy-going than most men I have met. Plus their conversation game is tight; they are willing to hear what you have to say even if they disagree and they can sit and talk for hours. They usually know all kinds of cool spots that I’ve missed or never heard of, are willing to try anything once and get along with almost anyone. I think most of them pick these traits up on the job and I like that attitude. Plus, living in New Orleans, a lot of these guys make a (much) better living than I do. The only problem I have with service industry types these days, is the different schedules. I used to be able to hang out with them until all hours, but now I need to wrap it up a lot earlier. Oh well, maturity and all that. LOL

Here’s another one that I’ve heard gasps about. I have dated an ex-con. I can say that I’ve dated only the one (that I know of), because I just don’t meet a lot of them. But I don’t automatically rule them out because of their felonious pasts. After all, my dad is an ex-con; my sister is an ex-con. I know that folks can screw up, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re horrible people. At the same time, I don’t go for the “it’s hard out there for a black man” okey doke. It’s hard out there for everyone. Get your shit together just the same. I didn’t say I would date a multiple time felon, but someone who made a couple of missteps, paid the price and is now on track, is a whole different story.

A guy I’m dating currently asked me if I dated persons of other race. I actually started laughing. If you know me for any length of time you’ll probably hear me say that I’m the United Nations of dating – I accept all races and nationalities, as long as you’re not a terrorist. Just because I’m a single black woman does not mean I only date black men. As a matter of fact, my first crush was white (Italian, actually), my first boyfriend was latino (El Salvadorian, specifically) and my first love was black (Louisianan, sadly). I have dated (or had some level of amorous involvement with) people from 5 continents and more countries than I care to count. What can I say? It’s like traveling to me, plus I dig variety. One of the silliest reasons I can imagine for not dating someone is because they’re not the same race you are. While it’s true that different cultures have different experiences and beliefs, I don’t think it’s too much to expect acceptance and compromise when you have to. Really, a lot of the issues that people of separate races perceive as cultural, have a lot more to do with the personalities of the people actually involved.

I suppose that you could make the argument that because I’m still (and perennially) single, I don’t know what I’m talking about here. But I believe that I’m single because I haven’t met the person for me, not because I don’t meet the “right type” of person. I find the idea of only dating men that other people deem “suitable” a laughable concept. One person’s idea of appropriate can be completely different from another’s. I prefer to leave the choice of who I (hopefully) spend the rest of my life with to myself and my own beliefs. I'll just stay open, deal with the stuff that doesn’t matter too much, break camp when things get out of hand and keep trying to learn from my mistakes. I have to assume those steps are a little more important than only dating so-called appropriate men.

Life Lessons

Life isn't rigid. I have changed over the years and I feel pleased that I'm not one of those people who refuses to adjust or learn from their mistakes. Here are some of the more valuable things that I've learned over years. I fully expect to have some new insights in a few years. I'll check back in 3 years or so, after the big 3-5. LOL

Things I learned after the age of 21

1. Being able to legally drink is not that great if you only drink crap liquor.
2. Don’t give up on your dreams; you can have it all.
3. Real friends give as well as they get.
4. Tell people you care about the truth, unless it hurts them.
5. Do something crazy once in awhile. Life is to be lived.
6. Silence can be dangerous with just your thoughts for company.
7. Keep a journal to help you through rough times.
8. Family is the most important thing.
9. People are going to talk about you, not matter what. Take it as a compliment.
10. SMILE! It gets better.

Things I learned after the age of 25

1. Don’t do or say anything just because you’re drunk. Let liquor act as a social lubricant, not a separate personality.
2. Change is good. Let go of the past, if it’s holding you back.
3. Your true friends will stand by you, mistakes and all.
4. Even if it’s difficult, the truth sets you free.
5. Do something new once in awhile. Life is to be experienced.
6. Be okay with yourself, whether in solitude or in a crowd of fabulous people.
7. Take note of all occasions in your journal. Whether they be painful, joyful or restful, you’ll want to remember them.
8. Your family is the people you choose to make your family. … And family is the most important thing.
9. If someone talking about you bothers you, be willing to confront them about it.
10. SMILE! It gets better.

Things I learned after the age of 30

1. Drinking does not make you forget any more or care any less.
2. Re-evaluate what it is you truly want and need. Then accept that there may be compromises you have to make to get there.
3. Friendship is a constant, but your relationships with friends should evolve.
4. Be really honest within yourself, and be okay if that process hurts.
5. Do something unexpected once in awhile. Life shouldn't always be routine.
6. Silence is a beautiful thing.
7. Keep a journal to remember all of the minutia that you’d forget otherwise. It’s nice to be able to come up with the name of that hotel you stayed in that one time.
8. All families have their problems; hold on anyway, because family is the most important thing.
9. They talked about Jesus; they’ll talk about you too. (Thanks Pelo, it took me awhile on that one LOL).
10. SMILE! It gets better. (Yes, I still believe that. LOL)

Also, here's a couple that have no age limits.

• Travel is good for your soul.
• Always wash off makeup before going to bed.
• Having a truly good friend is better than winning the lottery (at least a scratch off ticket).

In Memory

As you may or may not know, Paul Newman was by far, my favorite actor and movie star (those are 2 different things) of all time. I was truly saddened to hear of his passing and I will miss the roguish charm he brought to all his roles. Here is someone else making a lot of the points I'd like to be able to make. Sadly, I am not really up to writing about this.

So, I'll leave you with these, my favorite quote from (my favorite movie) The Long Hot Summer ...

"Life belongs to the meat eaters Miss Clara. And if you have to take it raw, take it raw."

and a quote that I always loved by Paul Newman, where he laughs at those who felt that his blue eyes were the best thing about him.

"Here lies Paul Newman, who died a failure because his eyes turned brown."