No Me Gustav

I am sitting here in Grambling, Louisiana at my mother's house. I do not care for this town, mostly for reasons that have nothing to do with the town itself, but instead the fact that I can only exist outside of an urban environment for a few days without losing my mind. I did my two years of high school here like it was hard labor, and could not get out of here fast enough. So here I am, toiling in the drudgery and trying to mentally stay above water. I hate this crap!

I think I'm most pissed to be sitting here because of this hurricane evacuation. I can't believe the anxiety this sense of deja vu has given me. I hate that I have to leave the home that I just got comfortable in and just hope that everything will be okay. I had the same thing with Katrina, except I believed it was no big deal then. So now, even though I'm hearing that my world should be fine when we're allowed back into New Orleans later this week, I'm still uneasy. I guess that I'm just starting to realize that this is going to be a way of life from now on. And I don't know how comfortable I am with that.

I know that some people will read this (or not) and say that I should leave New Orleans. And a part of me has debated that on a lot of levels. It would indeed be calmer to live in a place that I don't have to keep packing up my life and running away from inclement weather. Because, although every place has it's own challenges, a city not far from the rapidly eroding coast, that lies mostly under sea level and is literally and figuratively swamped with water, is probably never going to be a great bet for stability. But, the plain fact of the matter is, New Orleans is home. And I say that as a person with an actual home town that I love (Houston is a good look). But from the first moment I arrived in New Orleans I felt embraced by it, fed on it's energy and marveled at new experiences. And don't even get me started on the food and the people. And I just believe that the world just isn't so full of love that we should turn our back on some.

So, it seems that for as long as I can be, I will be a New Orleanian. Maybe the day will come that it will get washed into the sea like a modern day Atlantis, but I hope not. Until then I will pack up and leave when I have to. I've learned some things and I will never evacuate again without 2 months worth of clothes, all my photos and some key personal objects. But after the storm passes, I'll be back to the city and the culture that I just seem to let go of. And I'll thank you doubters to let me be. I love what I love.

--AKIP--