I have seen a lot of movies, good, bad and otherwise. No really … a lot. And I have come to accept the part that watching those films has had in my life. It struck me yesterday as I was watching Hard Target. Yes, Hard Target - some of Jean Claude Van Damme’s “greatest” work and John Woo’s American film debut. I told you, good, bad and otherwise. While looking for familiar landmarks and neighborhoods in this movie that was ostensibly filmed in New Orleans, I realized that movies color the way I look at so much of my life. I love to watch a film and see places that I have been; it gives me a greater sense of connection to the movie. In this way Casino Royale, the last James Bond film, will always be great for me as it contained two places I had been and held memories of dear to my heart. Moreso, I adore it when a film makes me want to be in that space, whether it’s the place, the era or that specific moment. Only You, made a lifelong wish to visit Italy an urgent need that could not be satisfied until I actually ventured there myself. The yearning that I have to travel and explore, to never stop seeking out new places and adventures, has been both fed and increased through cinema.
I used to believe that I had watched too many romantic movies. I thought it was the unrealistic expectations formed by umpteen viewings of romantic comedies that made it so difficult for me to settle for mediocrity and maintain a long-term relationship. But I have come to realize that it’s quite the opposite. I don’t believe in the majority of the overly sentimental or sappy stuff, in fact I find it mostly crap. It’s like, I’ve seen every little thought and emotion acted out in a million different ways through the years. So the part of me that is skeptical (75% or so) has honed my BS detector to a finely tuned instrument. And it goes off at the merest hint of schmaltz, fraudulent behavior or movie clichés come to life. It’s the reason that I date the men I date. They’re always “real” to me. I don’t believe in Prince Charming or the White Knight – people are who they are and I just like them to be honest with and to me. I am aware that I may be shooting myself in the foot here, but it’s how I am. Fairy tales aren’t my thing and movies have made me even more disinclined to accredit them.
Once, many years ago, after a late night viewing of The Howling (or some fine film of that ilk) I tried to bunk down in my mother’s room in case something was coming to get me. My mother, no stranger to BS detection herself, taught me the secret to watching horror movies. She told me that it’s all special effects and that if you look close enough you can see the man behind the curtain, so to speak. Since that time I have been unable to watch a scary movie with the necessary willing suspension of disbelief required to be frightened. As such, very few “horrific” things scare me. I mean, I have a very healthy fear of criminal activity or bodily harm, but I don’t fear standard horror movie foes. The only thing I truly dread is the idea of something hurting to me or mine. But there, I have plenty of trepidation to go around.
I’ve watched so many movies that I can easily predict the plot, including twists and surprises, in about 85% of what I watch (television included). It’s ridiculous how easy it is for me to use the scripted foreshadowing to predict and pick apart the contrived (and hackneyed) storylines. The problem with this is that I do the same thing in real life too. I think I know how something is going to proceed (and end) five minutes into it. Then I find myself assuming that I know how everything and everybody works or acts. It is folly, most definitely, but it is a habit I can’t seem to get away from. Like so much else with me, I find that truly knowing myself is the key to dealing with my issues. So I have admitted this about myself in the hopes that it will make me adjust my attitude and dealings with people. Life isn’t as predictable and one note as a sitcom and I need to treat it as such.
Or maybe I’m just looking for something meaningful to justify the countless hours I’ve spent watching crap like Hard Target. *sigh*.
Much Love,
AKIP
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